Month sixteen

Dear Molly,

If I had to pick a favorite out of all of your sixteen months, this one would be it (so far). Every day we are getting glimpses of the toddler and kid you will become and while I do miss certain aspects of your infancy (that new baby smell!), I am mostly glad those days are behind us. More than any other thing this month, you’ve gained independence. That’s come in the form of more words, more understanding and improved motor skills along with a quickly developing attitude.

First, the words. Remember a few blogs ago when I complained that all you ever said was “da da”? Well did you ever take mommy’s complaints to heart?! Now every other syllable you utter is “ma”. Lately it’s not so much a word as it is a demand. You point to something you want and yell “MAMA”. I’m not entirely convinced that you are saying “Mama, give me this!” but I like to pretend you are. Well, I liked to pretend that the first 4,789 times you said it. Feel free to bring back the “da da” anytime, BG.

You love to point at things and demand they be brought to you. You’ll stand right in front of your wooden puzzles, point and shout and look at us like THE PRINCESS WANTS HER PUZZLES! I have started to say “You get it” and you will usually grunt but comply and then we spend about 10 minutes doing your puzzles. Every. Single. Day. Sometimes more than once a day. You love your puzzles and you know exactly where every piece goes but you like to put them in the wrong spot first, giggle when mommy or daddy says “noooooo”, and then you put it in the correct spot. Did I mention we play this game every day?

Your understanding of words has FAR exceeded your ability to speak them and we are amazed every single day by what you are grasping. We give you simple tasks all the time – put the baby doll in your crib, put your shoes away, throw that in the trash, let’s go take a bath – and you do it! A couple weeks ago on a Saturday, we were in the kitchen and I smelled THAT smell so I asked if you had a poopy diaper. You nodded and walked off to your room. I followed you and you proceeded to LAY DOWN ON THE FLOOR in preparation for a diaper change. I was dumbfounded. We don’t ever change your diaper on the floor so I don’t know where or how you learned to do that and also, I didn’t say anything about changing said diaper, I only asked if it was poopy. I didn’t give you any instructions yet you knew exactly what to do. You’ve upped the ante now and when we ask if you pooped, you will nod and reach out for my hand to lead me into your room for a diaper change. Could we be on the verge of beginning the potty training lessons? I will choose to believe so!!

Leading us places has become a favorite thing to do in the last week or so, and not just for poopy diaper removal. You will come up to us and take our hand – and you usually want both mommy and daddy – and lead us into your room when you want to play in there, or to the bathroom when you think it’s bath time (you’re usually right even though you can’t tell time yet), or to the door when you want to go outside. Oh and you ALWAYS want to go outside. Now that the weather has cooled off and the mosquitos have abated somewhat, we can spend more time outside and you are super thrilled about this!

You have started to use utensils at meal times now and while you don’t quite have the concept totally down yet, you are trying and mommy appreciates the effort! Eating is still, hands down, your favorite pastime, and I am so glad that you haven’t started being finicky about food (yet). The other night, I gave you lima beans for the first time and you INHALED them. You had some on the spoon and some in your hand and you alternated shoving them into your mouth. We don’t give you much fruit and absolutely no juice because you are extremely sensitive to the acids in them. Even a few bites of strawberries or apples or oranges (or any acidic fruit) and your little hiney gets RAW. So we stick to bananas and melons and recently discovered that you love raisins! And also – fun fact alert! – raisins come out whole!

About your attitude. Besides “mama”, your favorite words these days are “mine” and “stop”. Only “stop” is always at a raised volume and sounds like “TOP!” I hear a lot of “TOP!” when attempting to perform any hygiene functions. You also insist that mommy’s and daddy’s phones are “MINE” and you’re mastering the art of throwing fits when you don’t get your way. I know this part is just going to get worse before it gets better and believe me when I say that we are not looking forward to it.

The other night I taught you how to shush someone in just one lesson. I put my finger to my lips and said “shhhhh” while you watched intently. You clumsily tried to imitate me a few times by putting your whole hand on your mouth and exhaling, and then finally you touched the tip of your index finger to the bottom of your nose and said “sssssssssss”. Then you and I SQUEALED in delight at your newfound skill.

The shyness you exhibited previously has changed a bit this month. You still take your time in new situations and around new people but you seem more open to new experiences lately. This is an adjustment for mommy because Tater was never shy a day in his life so I have to remind myself that you are a different baby and not to push you. You will do things on your own time. And if you don’t, that’s okay too. We are thrilled to watch you grow and learn and become your perfect little self. You truly are everything we ever wanted.

 

Love,

Mommy

Months 13, 14, and 15

Dear Molly,

I skipped months 13 and 14, not really sure why, and I have no idea how long I plan to continue these letters that call out your age in months. I guess when it starts to seem ridiculous…like around month 111? I don’t know if it was due to laziness or busyness that I skipped 13 and 14, but I promise to try to do better from here on out!

You started walking sometime in mid-August. I say “sometime” instead of the exact date because you took your first steps at daycare. AT DAYCARE. I had asked your teachers not to tell me if you walked there because I wanted oh so badly to believe that your first steps at home were your first steps. But the daycare director let it slip one afternoon and two days later you took your first steps at home. Daddy and I were so happy to see you reach this milestone but also sort of sad to know that your baby days are squarely behind us now. These days, you are toddling around a lot less shakily (it’s a word!) and you are almost always on the verge of breaking out into a run.

Your language skills have increased by leaps and bounds these last three months too. Instead of just signing “more” and “all done” and calling everything and everyone “dada”, you have expanded to saying mama, bubba, hi, whoa, shoes and help. Help is by far the cutest thing you say. It sounds like “HOP” and most times you super-enunciate the “P” so it comes out “HOPUH”. It’s so freaking adorable, I hope you say it like that for the rest of your life!

You are obsessed with a lot of things these days. First and foremost, the outdoors. You want to be outside every waking moment of every single day. As soon as you finish breakfast on the weekends you will say “shoes” (which sounds like “shasss”) and point to your feet. If we don’t get the hint, you will go get our shoes and try to put them on our feet. You want to walk around and eat acorns and swing in your baby swing and pick flowers and get dirty. You absolutely love to get dirty. But do you want to know what you DON’T love? Getting clean. You cannot stand anything to do with hygiene, period. You get so incredibly annoyed at any attempt to clean you up or make you presentable. You’re simply too busy for all that nonsense.

Another obsession: travel packs of Kleenex. I don’t know where this comes from but you love them. You don’t really try to open them, you just hold them and chew on them. In fact, you love them so much they are our go-to item to distract you from things like diaper changes and getting dried off after your bath (see above re: hygiene). Once you do get the pack open, you delight in tearing apart the tissue and inevitably Mommy takes it from you which I’m sure you can guess makes you oh so happy. We’ve seen a little bit of attitude develop over the last three months. When you don’t get your way, you make your dissatisfaction known. Sometimes it’s screaming, sometimes slapping (you’re going to have to cool it with this one!) and sometimes it’s poking out your bottom lip and making it quiver while crying crocodile tears. That last one gets your daddy every single time.

You constantly want to go in Tayce’s room. When we get home in the afternoons, I take you in there to spend a few minutes with him while I change into my PJs and these are easily the best minutes of your day. Bubba’s room is filled with all kinds of gadgets and buttons and general CRAP STREWN ABOUT. It’s like Disneyland to you in there! He doesn’t ever let you stay long but you make the most out of every chance you get!

It has been three months full of firsts for you, Baby Girl. We celebrate these moments as successes, which they truly are, but at their core all of your “firsts” are also “lasts” for us. The last time you’ll roll yourself across the room. The last time you’ll crawl. The last time you’ll wobble when you take a step. The last time you’ll need me to change your diaper, wipe your nose, trim your nails. The last time I’ll hold you, the last bedtime story, the last time you’ll let me kiss you in public, the last night you’ll spend at home. From the moment you were born, we’ve been teaching you to be independent. It’s an incredible privilege to be a parent, but also a tremendous responsibility to raise a fully functional human being who will ultimately walk away from those parents. Our job is, simply put, to teach you how to live without us. There’s no harder, or better, job in the world. Thank you for being ours, BG.

 

Love,

Mommy

Month twelve

Dear Molly,

It’s been a whole entire year, BG. I can’t even believe it. On the morning of your birthday, you started stirring at 6:55 a.m. I woke up, looked at the clock, and recalled that time exactly one year ago. I was just returning home from our first trip to the hospital and had my first REAL contraction – the one I couldn’t talk/walk/think/breathe through. I knew I would be meeting you soon so back to the hospital we went and sure enough, two and a half hours later you were in my arms. For such a tiny thing, you took up so much room in my heart immediately.

In the last year you’ve grown by leaps and bounds, putting on almost FIFTEEN POUNDS. Your little rolls and pot belly are the cutest things in the world to me. You continue to be an avid eater and we can’t make or serve fast enough for your liking. You have finally graduated from baby food to table food at school (you’ve been on table food at home for months now!) and you couldn’t be happier about it. There’s nothing you won’t try and watching you dive head first into your birthday cake (LITERALLY) was so damn adorable. Seeing how your brother wouldn’t even TOUCH his first birthday cake (he preferred crab legs!), I really appreciate you giving Mommy this milestone moment.

It’s been a month full of milestones including cruising and once in a while when you think no one is looking, you will stand on your own. You will now walk around anything you can put your hands on, even Mommy and Daddy. You transitioned fairly smoothly from bottle to cup and from formula to milk, probably because Mommy started this transition over a month ago slowly introducing cups and whole milk. The babbling has taken on a life of its own. Last night, in the bathtub you spent a FULL TEN MINUTES talking to the fish decals on the walls, pointing your fingers and giving them the what-for. We have no idea what you were saying but you did and it sure was serious!

The past year wasn’t all kittens and rainbows. There was a tremendous amount of spit up and reflux and fussing for food. In the first few months of your life, you cried so hard and so often for food I thought you must have a tapeworm or something. You also suffered multiple illnesses including a couple of bouts with the common cold along with RSV, bronchiolitis, croup, stomach virus, eye infection, thrush, and roseola. I’m knocking on wood as I say this but you have been completely healthy for the last six weeks – not so much as a runny nose or that seemingly ever-present morning cough – and I am tickled freakin’ pink about it (but don’t want to talk about it much for fear of jinxing it!).

Daddy and I marvel every day at how you are growing and learning and changing. You are all over the house, we can’t keep up, and you love Bubba’s room the most. Of course, he rarely lets you come in there. But you’ve recently discovered the screened-in porch and oh my goodness, you have found your paradise! You love to go in and out the door, which….no. YOU GON’ MESS AROUND AND RUN UP MY LIGHT BILL! If we open any door to the outside, no matter where you are in the house, you HAUL ASS to get to said door before it gets shut again. You can hear a door opening from two rooms away with the fan on and the doors in between shut. (I think you get that from your cousin, Ethan.)

You are signing “all done”, “more”, and “milk” but generally only when you want to. Most times you just holler until we figure out what the princess wants and bring it to her on a velvet pillow. Yesterday, you pitched your first full-on fit complete with throwing yourself onto the ground and wallowing while screaming. In fairness, you had been at the pool all day with no nap and when you finally got home to your bed I woke you up after only an hour so that you would still go to bed at a decent hour. You were not here for my bedtime logic. NOT ONE DAMN BIT. You cried and screamed and lunged out of my arms to get to the floor. You pushed away my hands, your toys, Daddy’s hands, everything. Finally you flung yourself to the ground and covered your face with your blanket and closed your eyes. The only way to get you to stay awake and stop crying? Dinner. Then straight to the bath. You refused to listen to even one bedtime story. You kept closing the book I was trying to read and pointing to your crib saying “NA”. Like, look woman. The princess is TIRED. The princess wants to sleep. Put me in there NOW.

It’s been an amazing year, little one. Full of unforgettable moments and overwhelming love.  When I think about all of your milestones this past year, I can’t help but remember the day we first met. I will never forget that moment, Molly. I worked so hard for you (with NO DRUGS) and every last second of the pain and anguish was worth that moment when your skin touched mine and I looked into your eyes. I will hold all of your life’s happiness in my memories. I will always be your port in the storm, your safe harbor. Your daddy and I will love you to the ends of the earth. You have made our dreams come true.

Happy birthday, BG.

Love,

Mommy

Month eleven

Dear Molly,

Yesterday you stood up by yourself for the first time! I’d love to post a picture of this milestone but you did it at school where Mommy and Daddy could not witness (I’m bitter, yes). One day when you’re older I’ll show you the daily report on which your teacher wrote “Molly stood by herself today!” and guilt-trip you about the years of therapy it took to forgive you for robbing me of that moment. Stop reaching milestones at school, or anywhere that’s not right beside me. Just stop. Speaking of right beside me, the other night you were standing (HOLDING ON!) at the couch next to me sitting on the floor. You were tired and grumpy and ready for your bath which I was trying desperately to delay so that Daddy (who has been working 12-hour days) could get at least a glimpse of your beautiful brown eyes before you went to sleep. You were pathetically whimpering beside me as I showed you every toy you own when suddenly you reached over and put both your arms around my arm and laid your head down on my shoulder. As if this wasn’t enough cuteness, you whimpered “Maaamuh”, and I was instantly taken back to that one day in that one hospital with all the pushing and screaming and pushing and crowning and such. This one moment was the sweetest, most precious reward for all that nonsense. Two syllables of PURE AND UTTER JOY. It might very well have been a coincidence because you’re 11 months old and your days are filled with endless syllables being strung together without rhyme or reason. But I’m recording it here as your first word, and the absolute sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.

With the long hours that Daddy is working, there have been several nights when he arrives home just after you’ve fallen asleep which means he didn’t see you awake AT ALL that day. This absolutely kills him and he’s been close to tears on several occasions. Mommy sends lots of pictures and every now and then he will have a break and call to talk to you. When Daddy calls (even when Grandma calls), we put the phone on speaker and hold it out for you to hear. And I don’t know where you got this but every single time you hear someone talking on speaker phone, you put your hand up to your ear and say “DA” or “GA” or “BA” or whatever consonant you’re on at that moment. WHERE THE EFF did you learn to pretend your hand is a phone and PUT IT TO YOUR EAR?! Will wonders never cease?

You also learned to nod and shake your head this month. At first it started out like a bobblehead where you were doing neck circles and then you got the different movements of nodding and shaking, followed by the understanding that nodding means yes and shaking means no. You don’t always do it when asked a question but we are working on it. In the bathtub at night I have always told you no, shook my head, and moved you away from the drain plug when you touch it. Now your favorite game in the world is to scoot on your hiney closer and closer to the plug then put your hand on it, look at me and shake your head as you touch it. You think this is HILARIOUS and you will giggle when I join your head shaking and tell you “No ma’am”. Over and over we play this game and I have to admit, it’s pretty stinking cute.

You LOVE the bathtub but we discovered this month that a pool is NOT just a bathtub outside in your humble opinion. We went to auntie Amber’s for a swim last weekend and while I expected you to need some adjustment time, I did not expect you to be absolutely TORTURED by being in a pool. It was the worst thing that ever happened to you in your ENTIRE life. You cried and whined and screamed and stuck your bottom lip out so far we all tripped over it trying to get you out of the pool. You were not having any part of it whatsoever! We are just going to keep trying Baby Girl, and one day I know you will come around and love it!

Eating has been quite the adventure this month as well. We have all but stopped baby food (though you still get it at school) and delved into the wonderful world of table food! We have found very few things you won’t eat. First, collard greens. You ate them but you fussed the whole time. You didn’t refuse them, you would take bite after bite but then you would make a face and kind of cry at me like WTF why do you keep putting THAT in my mouth. Second, limes. You took one bite and then turned your head away like nope. Third, a popsicle (YES!). You had two bites of Bubba’s popsicle and then you refused any more. I think that had to do with the temperature more than the taste. But every other thing we’ve tried, you’ve loved. Blackberries, blueberries, watermelon, broccoli, cauliflower, peas, green beans, potatoes, celery, onions, carrots, sweet potatoes, spinach, eggs, ground beef, chicken, noodles, rice, beans, and OH MY GOD the Cheerios! You absolutely love Cheerios. I will lay several out on your highchair tray and you always take one in your right hand and hold it there while shoveling the others into your mouth with your left hand. When the tray is empty you look at me and exclaim, “DA” while pointing your chubby hand at the bowl of Cheerios on the table. It’s not until I take the bowl away and come at you with the washrag that you finally eat the Cheerio in your right hand. By then it’s soggy and stuck to your hand but it’s like your emergency Cheerio…one last bite before mean Mommy cleans you up.

You do not appreciate being cleaned up in any sense of the word. You don’t want your hands or face or nose or eyes (or even butt!) wiped for ANY reason. The only time you don’t mind being washed up is in the bath. You’re going to be that kid who always has a crusty nose or dirt on her face or in the folds of her neck. And you know what? I’m cool with that.

We have started planning your first birthday party and most times I cannot even believe you are about to be a full year old. It’s been an amazing 11 months watching you grow and explore. It’s been so great for Mommy not only seeing you change and learn but also watching Daddy and Bubba react to your antics. They love you so much, BG, and they are both wrapped around your fingers. As soon as you learn to snap, that’s all you’ll ever have to do to make them both come running. For now though, just stick that bottom lip out and they are putty in your hands. Then again, who wouldn’t be?

Love,

Maaamuh

Month ten

Dear Molly,

You’re mobile! And watch out world! I could end this post here because every parent in the world understands how much this milestone changes things but I won’t because you’ve done a lot of other cute shit this month too. Crawling was the biggest thing and you just up and did it one night (April 18th to be exact) like it was no big deal. I was sitting on the rug with you and I had a couple plastic Easter eggs that you wanted so you leaned forward on to your knees and just crawled right over. Like you’ve been doing it your entire life. Daddy and I were SQUEALING with delight as we tried to get it on video and the only items you would crawl to were our phones or the TV remote (priorities, girl). It was an awesome moment and you’ve been on cruise control ever since. It took you about 10 seconds to realize that now, when we set you down and walk away, YOU CAN FOLLOW US. When we get up from playing and walk out of your immediate reach, you look at us like “oh no you don’t” and you immediately come crawling after us.

You instantly noticed the difference between crawling on the rug versus the hardwood and tile floors and that first knee to hit the harder floor immediately gets lifted and you do an awkward Mowgli type crawl. Several times we have caught you on both feet with your hands on the ground like you’re about to stand straight up and take off running. You have also started pulling up on furniture, our legs, the bathtub and any other sturdy (or sometimes not so sturdy) object. When you peek up over the couch or around the corner into the kitchen your little four-toothed smile is so full of pride and happy, it makes me melt.

“Da-da” has started to take on real meaning this month and when I ask you “Where’s dada?” you look for him, spot him, smile with your whole face and reach your chubby hand out. You are “pointing” at EVERYTHING now and waving. You wave hello and goodbye to everyone even yourself in the mirror. One of your favorite games is to reach for daddy when mommy is holding you and then reach right back for mommy when daddy takes you (and so on).

We have to talk about food this month. Baby food may as well be dirt to you and if I dare offer it, there will be screams heard for miles. You want real food. You want to chew with the teeth you don’t have and lord help anyone who tries to eat in front of you without sharing. We haven’t found a single food that you won’t eat and I can’t even tell you what your favorite foods are because the list would go something like this: ALL THE FOODS. You have started pitching fits when I feed you because you think you should be doing it yourself. I’ll give you a bite of something and you’ll take it (of course) but then you clench your fists and lower your chin to your chest and scream. So I put the next bite on the highchair tray and you scoop it up in your aforementioned chubby hand and shovel it into your mouth. No screaming. Point taken. We have to put down you one bite at a time because whatever I put on your tray goes in your mouth immediately no matter what else you are gumming on.

The babbling is in full swing now too. Especially in the bathtub. I don’t know if it’s because you are talking to the fish decals on the shower walls or simply trying to keep yourself awake but you are super talkative at bath time. This is usually when I will repeat “ma-ma-ma-ma-ma” over and over again in an effort to get you to say it. Without fail, you look me square in the eye and say “da-da” and then look past me and down the hall to see if he comes running (spoiler alert: he does).

But as much as you like to say da-da’s name, you are most certainly a mommy’s girl right now. Mommy is your favorite person in the history of people and if I dare get too far away from you, you will voice your displeasure. Loudly. In a room full of people, you always want your mommy. I complain about your attachment to my hip sometimes but to be totally honest, BG, I love it. I know there will come a day, and very soon, in which you push yourself out of my arms and into the world at large and I will long for the days that you wanted only me. So while I may seem exasperated because I’m having to hold you on my lap while I pee, I am secretly enjoying every single moment of this time together. I can get lost in the softness of the wispy curls that form behind your ears after your bath and sometimes I have to stop myself from pinching the crap out of those adorable cheeks.

So you just keep right on wanting me and I will keep right on soaking it up. There’s nothing else I’d rather do.

Love,

Mommy

Month nine

Dear Molly –

Okay, BG. I’m going to ask you one last time…PLEASE SLOW DOWN. I cannot handle all this growing and changing and learning that you are doing. I just can’t. Although the little curls in your rapidly growing, beautiful brown hair might just be the cutest damn thing I have ever seen! Keep the curls, but in infancy please. Or even better, newbornhood. Yeah, I made up a word, roll with it.

While you’ve yet to start crawling (STILL!) you have LEAPT into babyhood (actual word!) this month. You are mobile-ish and can scoot around on your hiney pretty much anywhere you need to be such as CLOSER TO MOMMY. Distance from mommy remains your least favorite thing in the history of things. You’ve also just started to pull up and you don’t quite get all the way to your feet without help but soon enough, grasshopper. Your favorite place to try pulling up is the bathtub and NO. Just NO. It scares mommy because you’re so slippery in the bath and also freaking adorable with your shampoo mohawk.

I wonder when you’ll crawl and though we practice all the time, it’s totally cool if you don’t. I remember my mom telling me stories of how I always did things on my own schedule like not walking until I was almost 15 months old. TANGENT: One of my favorite stories my mom used to tell is the one where your uncle Danny at somewhere around three years old, broke his ankle jumping from the couch to the coffee table. So he was in a cast and couldn’t walk and I was simply REFUSING to walk and mom had to carry us both everywhere. She told this story to highlight my stubbornness because she knew I was capable of walking and she suspected I even knew how but I just would.not.do.it. She did say that once I took that first step though, I never fell down. I waited until I was absolutely sure I knew what I was doing and then I was the VALEDICTORIAN OF WALKING.

You are like this with crawling and even with rolling over. You have all the mechanics down, you know how. You just don’t want to. You’re not ready. And also…you’ve found it much more satisfying to stick out your bottom lip and produce a few crocodile tears and watch mommy, daddy and/or bubbies come running to fetch you whatever it is your princess heart desires. If we don’t immediately leap to your aid, you do this cute thing where you ball up your fists and tuck your chin and SCREAM until we get the damn point already! Sometimes I wonder who is teaching whom, BG.

The open-mouthed, slobbery kisses of last month have been replaced with raspberries. Oh, the raspberries! Despite the spit, it makes us laugh every time and you will copy anyone, anywhere who raspberries. We have a strict no-raspberry rule at the dinner table, OBVS.

Da-da is still the most prominent word you say and I think maybe you’re starting to understand that word has meaning. You say it when you see daddy but you also say it to the rubber ducky in the tub and the little old ladies at Walmart who pinch your cheeks, so who knows. You will also point (with your whole hand) at something you want (which is everything, all the time) and reach for mommy and daddy and even your teachers at daycare when the princess doth desire to be held (also, all the time).

You continue to be the light of our lives, little one. Those curls and that four-toothed smile charm everyone who meets you. You have started tilting your little head to one side when you want to be extra endearing and damn it I would give you anything you asked for in that moment without a second thought. I desperately wish I could pause those moments, fold them up and put them in my back pocket because I know how soon they’ll be gone. Please slow down, baby girl, let’s stay here forever.

 

Love,

Mommy

Month eight

Dear Molly,

Okay so I skipped month seven. I have no excuse. I’m just a bad mom. Lazy. Because I have absolutely NOTHING else to do, right? Whatever. I’m sure I had time to write it at some point but I just didn’t. Most of month seven was filled with illness and that bled over into month eight as well. Seven straight weeks of sickness. It was not fun, not even a little bit. We finally got you some steroids that almost immediately cleared you up. You still have a little bit of a cough but I am almost positive that’s from reflux and not germs.

This month has been amazing and I know I’ve said this before but you are like a brand new baby. This happens a lot. You go to bed one baby and you wake up another. Seriously, that’s how fast you change and learn and grow. Your hair grows inches a day (or at least it seems) and Mommy sees a tiny glimmer of hope in the way some of the ends slightly “curve”. I am sooooo hoping you get curly hair, at least a little bit. My hair has been straight and flat from day one and I want better for you, BG. I want body and volume and cute little ponytails!

You are a professional sitter now and we are still working on crawling. You will get up on your hands and knees but ultimately when you start to push you go backwards and look at me like “Ummm why are the toys getting FARTHER AWAY? No fair!” You tolerate tummy time for much longer than you ever have and I know we are only moments away from having a mobile baby! While we are constantly pushing you to crawl, I am secretly hoping you wait another week or month or sixteen years. I love being able to sit you down and walk away for a moment or two, only to return to you in the exact same position as I left you. No baby gates or cabinet locks necessary yet. And I can still go to the bathroom by myself (well you’re sitting just outside the open door but you are not hanging off my knees at least!). I guess what I’m saying is take your time, BG.

For the last two weeks or so, you find everything hilarious and exciting. Bubbies walks in the room, you crack up. Daddy moves in for a kiss, you squeal. Mommy picks you up and you slap my chest and arms in delight. When I came to get you at daycare the other day, you were in a highchair about to eat lunch and you saw me, raised your arms and SQUEALED with glee! One of the teachers from a different class whom I had never met looked at me and said “So. I’m guessing you’re Molly’s mom?” Now why on earth would you think that?! You constantly giggle in the bathtub. You have graduated from the plastic baby bath to the regular tub and you are THRILLED with all the space and toys and water. You will reeeeeeach everywhere to get every toy just to throw it to the back of the tub and clap at your success. On occasion, you take a nose dive into the water and you are NONE TOO PLEASED to have water on your face for any reason whatsoever but after I sit you back up and dry your face you are right back to doing whatever it was that caused the nose dive in the first place. I guess we need to work on learning cause and effect.

You still dadadadada and gagagagagaa your way through the day only now you’ve figured out how to increase the volume. This morning when you woke up you were softly saying dadada and then punctuating with a yell DAAADAAAA. You love the sound of your own voice and you are figuring out that you can make a litany of grunts and consonants if you put your mind to it. I love to listen to you emphasize certain syllables like you are having a very important conversation.

One of my most favorite things about this month is you have started laying your head down on my shoulder or chest when you get tired. You’ve never done this. Even when you are sleeping you want to be on your back in my arms and not against my chest. I’ve struggled with that because I have wanted so bad for you to nuzzle into my neck like Tater did. You don’t do it often but when you do I just want to stay there forever. Bedtime is probably your (and our!) favorite time of the day. We do bath and bottle and then snuggles and recently you’ve started pointing with your whole hand/arm (no finger just yet) down the hall when you’re ready to be taken to your crib. So daddy and I take you in your room and you give the best hugs. Just recently you have also started giving kisses. Big, open-mouthed, sloppy, wet kisses but they are the best kisses I’ve ever known! Then we lay you down and you look up at us grinning and giggling and sometimes you even clap because you love going to bed! I swear, this really happens! We tell you we love you, leave, and you dadadadadaaaaaaaaaaaaa your way to dreamland. I absolutely love that you put yourself to sleep.

I am so happy that you are well again, Baby Girl. I hated seeing you so sick and miserable for so long. We are loving all your new milestones and the new facets of your personality that are peeking out. Getting you out of bed each morning and wondering what new thing you’ll do that day is the best feeling. You delight everyone you meet with your smiles and giggles but none are more delighted than we are to know you and love you. It is our absolute pleasure.

Love,

Mommy

Month six

Dear Molly,

Half a year. Six months. It’s such a brief spell of time in the grand scheme of things and yet I’ve lived several lifetimes in the last six months. I don’t just mean because of sleepless nights (and days) and the occasional seemingly never-ending crying jag. There is a lifetime’s worth of love and joy in the happy moments too. Like how you’ve started sitting up on your own and you are so damn proud when you catch yourself after a wobble. Or when we come to get you out of your crib in the mornings and you full out laugh because you’re so happy to see us. Or when I’m holding you and daddy walks up and you break into a grin that’s reserved only for him. Recently you’ve started “hugging” us by gripping onto our shirts, necks, faces…whatever is closest to grab…and squeeeeeeeezing as you bury your head in our shoulders. I don’t even care that your fingernails feel like very small, but very real, razors.

The saga of your spit up rages on. You have good days and bad days and on the bad days you go through no less than 10 bibs and burp cloths. It’s just commonplace now that both you and we will end up changing clothes, sometimes multiple times a day. One day last week I had to change shirts four times! It doesn’t really seem to be affecting much else besides the laundry I have to do and sometimes I wish for your first apartment to be one without a washer and dryer so that you’ll know the pain of having to use a laundry mat and I won’t feel one bit sorry for you! We are hoping that the increasing amount of time you are spending upright these days will start helping the spit up.

You’re sitting very well and as a result, you do not want to lay down anymore ever. Not on your back or your stomach. Especially not your stomach. We try to give you the oh-so-important tummy time but you HATE it. You will support yourself for a few seconds with your hands and arms but then you go full-on skydiver and start crying. If we neglect to immediately respond to your crying, you SCREAM. The screaming is not exclusive to tummy time either. In the last two weeks you’ve decided that you don’t want mommy to put you down or let someone else hold you. Like, ever. You will voice your displeasure passionately and loudly if I dare to put you in your walker or exersaucer or even give you to daddy. I’ve watched you settle down within a brief moment of losing sight of me but the second I come back into view, you recommence with the screaming. You’ve mastered manipulation already, grasshopper.

 

So technically this should go in the Month Seven post but it’s taken me so long to write this one that the trip already happened and I’m gonna go against the grain and write about it now. We just returned from your first airplane ride (daddy’s too!) and you were an absolute angel on both legs of the journey. I even had a man tell me that you were “a good traveler” on our way home. YAY BG!! You really did amazingly well on the plane, slept a good bit and even cut your first tooth! It was so much fun introducing you to friends and family and watching them fawn all over you, fall instantly in love, and pinch those sweet cheeks of yours. You charmed them all with your big, gummy grins and your sweet giggles.

As much fun as the trip was, coming home was wonderful and you spent most of yesterday sleeping your little butt off. You have a little bit of a cough that I hope doesn’t turn into much of anything and your poor little cheeks and chin are chapped from the cold Pacific Northwest wind. You were unbelievably happy to see your bathtub (our hotel room didn’t have a bathtub and you were TERRIFIED of the shower!), your crib, and all your toys. During our trip, you mastered saying “da da da da da” much to your daddy’s delight and you are mixing in all kinds of other sounds too. It’s pretty much a nonstop running diatribe with you lately and I’ll never know where you inherited the need for incessant chatter from (just kidding, I know EXACTLY where that came from!).

This has been the best of all your ages so far (yeah, all of them!) and I know with your impending mobility we have many challenges ahead so I’m going to try to soak up all the fun that this stage brings while I can. There are still moments when I catch my breath because the love I have for you is so immense. On those rare occasions when you fall asleep in my arms, I want to stop time and live there forever. You are my greatest joy, Baby Girl, and I adore you.

Love,

Mommy

 

Month five

Dear Molly,

We did it, BG! We made it past the mess that was last month and have forged ahead into a wide open space of so-much-betterness! No, that’s not a word and Mommy doesn’t typically condone bad grammar but here I am betternessing all over the place. So, last month I talked about your fussiness and reflux and constant hunger and how it was bordering on overwhelming but after a little research on Dr. Google and talking to some other moms with similar issues, we switched formulas and started you on Zantac. Let’s talk about the Zantac first. It’s AWFUL. It smells and tastes like the strongest Altoid I’ve ever had. Unsurprisingly, you HATED it. You would refuse to swallow and then spit it out very matter-of-factly. Luckily, our first few tries were when you were in the bathtub. I tried mixing it with a little Pedialyte and you begrudgingly took it through a medicine cup topped with a nipple but there was always the question of did you get all the medication because there’s still a bit of juice left and oh, does it even work if you mix it?! Meanwhile, your spitting up continued and seemed to get worse. After two weeks I expressed frustration to the doctor who encouraged me to give it a little while longer. We found a method of administering it without mixing but we didn’t see much improvement in your spitting up until just recently. This leads me to believe it is the best of all healers – TIME – that is helping rather than the medicine.

I’ve been doing a metric ass-ton of laundry this month. Bibs and burp cloths and onesies (OH MY!) as well as my clothes and daddy’s clothes. I don’t dare get dressed, for work or otherwise, until literally three minutes before we are going to walk out the door. You always smell like spit up. Does that stop me from smelling the left side of your head all the time? No, no it does not. The new formula didn’t help with the spit up either but I ain’t even mad because you know what it did help with? Your fussing and constant hunger. Oh my stars, BG, the improvement we have seen on the new stuff! You are so much more comfortable and happy now. I have secretly kicked myself for not trying this sooner and for just assuming you were a hungry, hungry hippo baby. I came across an article (thank you Dr. Google!) about lactose overload and every singly symptom fit you! All of them. It should’ve been titled: Amanda – This is What is Happening to BG! We switched to a lower lactose formula and TAAA-FREAKING-DAAA! You’re full, less gassy, eating an appropriate amount and your poops look like poops!

Things were definitely on the mend this month except for one tiny struggle – sleeping. You had been doing wonderfully sleeping through the night until that fateful day – November 6 – a parent’s worst nightmare….DUN DUN DUNNNNNN…..daylight savings time! HIDE YO’ CHILDREN, RUN FOR YO’ LIVES! I won’t go into the idiocy of daylight savings time here because that’s a whole ‘nother blog but yeah, you were NOT AMUSED. For three straight weeks you woke up at least once, sometimes twice, a night demanding to be fed. You’d eat only a little bit before falling right back to sleep. And you refused to nap during the day. RE.FUSED. You weren’t going to do it, nope no way no how. Part of this is because you’ve developed the bad habit of feeding to sleep and because you weren’t feeding constantly anymore you didn’t know how to put yourself to sleep by any other method. So the evening before Thanksgiving, Mommy decided alright enough of this, we’re done. I laid you in your crib and let you cry it out. We reassured you with belly rubs but no picking up, at longer and longer intervals until you finally fell asleep. It took an hour. You SCREAMED for an hour. Then you gave up and fell asleep. The next day when I laid you down for a nap you started screaming again. EIGHT MINUTES later you were asleep. We’ve continued like this since then. I lay you down, you fuss for less than 10 minutes, and go to sleep. At night when we put you to bed you don’t fuss at all, you talk to yourself for a few minutes and you are out like a light. YAY for crying it out!!

You have really started playing this month too. You love toys, especially ones that light up, and some friends gave you a baby doll that talks and you are FASCINATED with her. Oh, and the crinkle sound – like the one made by a plastic bag – you LOVE that sound. You’ll happily play with the baby wipes refills because the plastic makes that sound and you have a little four-page book that has a crinkly sounding page in it that you are obsessed with. When we go to the grocery store, I strap you to my chest in the carrier and you are the happiest girl in the whole damn place. Grandma carried you around in it during Thanksgiving and I’m not sure who loved it more. You want to be held as much as possible and while I do worry a little about you becoming spoiled, I mostly don’t give a tiny rats ass because you are my last baby and I will never have the chance to spoil another one. Before I know it you will be demanding to be put down and yelling “I DO IT!” when I try to help you. And then you’ll be waving goodbye as you go off to college.

So yeah. We hold you. We pick you up when you cry. We stand up with you when you don’t want us to sit down. We play your favorite song AD NAUSEUM when you’re cranky. We take you for walks when you’re bored with all your toys. We make crazy noises and invent stupid songs to sing to you. We drop everything we are doing to make you happy. Because when you smile at us – that big, toothless, gummy, drooly smile – our world stops. Everything in that moment is just as it should be. Every single bit of it is worth that smile. These are moments we will never get back, moments that will be gone so soon. All we can do is try to make these moments wonderful and hope the memories last forever.

Love,

Mommy

Month four

Dear Molly,

Well, this particular letter has finally come. The one that’s less kittens and rainbows and more holy crap I forgot how hard this shit can get. We endured and overcame your first (of many!) illnesses this month. You fell ill on an evening when we were watching your cousins, Eli and Ethan, so that Auntie Amber and Uncle J could enjoy dinner (ENDLESS SHRIMP!) and a movie for their anniversary. Evidently you had other plans because your poop became bloody and you started running a fever. The pediatrician on call told us “better safe than sorry” and to have you checked out at the ER being that it was a Saturday evening. Now, let’s talk about what “checked out” meant at this particular ER. We waited a little over an hour in a mosquito-infested waiting room with several other people who were hacking and snotting all over the place. They took us back to a “room” (a bed with a curtain) and the nurse came in, took your temperature, and proceeded to give you a Tylenol suppository. Why a suppository when your little booty was already so raw, I’ll never understand. This brought your fever down a whopping one degree (Mommy has written many diatribes about how utterly worthless Tylenol is!) and we waited another hour for the doctor. He was an enormous man with a voice like thunder that made you cry. Within five seconds, you had barely even lifted your feverish head off my shoulder, he told us that you were “not diseased” (that’s literally what he said) and that babies get sick and have blood in their poop from time to time. He looked in your ears, diagnosed you with viral diarrhea, and told us to follow up with your pediatrician on Monday. By Monday, your fever was gone and your regular doctor was appalled to learn how little the ER had “checked you out” but you were on the mend even though the pooping lasted several more days.

I would be remiss if I didn’t stop here and mention the diaper rash. OH MY GOD THE DIAPER RASH. Your poor bottom was raw and bleeding and you still have a little scar from where it got really bad. Your doctor gave us a prescription for some heavy duty butt cream that your insurance wouldn’t cover because it wasn’t “medically necessary”. I wanted to send them a picture of your butt and ask for their definition of necessary, but I refrained. Alas, the rash got better and your daddy and I are such dorks that each time we opened your diaper to find no poop and a healing bum, we squealed with delight and high-fived each other. Parenthood is glamorous stuff!

For the last week or so you have been almost constantly hungry and suffering from reflux and gas (no doubt from overfeeding) but when you are hungry, or when you THINK you are hungry, nothing else on this earth will do. You will scream and scream and SCREAM until you get a bottle. If we dare try to give you a pacifier your screams go from demanding to down-right pissed off. Like, hey, THERE IS NOTHING COMING OUT OF THIS THING WHAT KIND OF FOOL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?! So we’re experimenting with a new formula and some reflux meds and hoping to hit on something that works. I don’t know what to do about your constant hunger, BG. You are gaining plenty of (probably too much) weight. You are hydrated. You are full (as evidenced by the constant spitting up). And when I say we’ve tried every distraction in the book, I mean it. Some of them work temporarily but within a few minutes you are always right back to the screaming until you get a bottle.

None of these little things are the actual reasons why I said this shit is hard, though. Illnesses and fussiness and even screaming are just part of being a baby. I keep expecting you to be the same baby that Tater was, but you are not and I am working on accepting that. It’s just that Tater is the whole of my experience as a mother and you are teaching me new things every day. It’s possible that you are just a fussy (and hungry!) baby and there is nothing really “wrong” with you at all. I am going to make absolutely sure this is the case of course by trying everything I can to soothe you. Anyways, the hardest part of being a parent is two-fold. First, not being able to immediately fix it when your child is hurt or sad – to feel useless when your baby needs you the most – is probably the worst feeling in the entire world. Second, questioning every single thing I’m doing hoping it’s the right decision. It doesn’t help much that I’ve done this before, I still doubt my abilities as a parent every single day. By no means do I think I am a bad mom but I do wonder all the time if I am doing right by you.

However. I realized something this month, Molly. There is one thing that I did absolutely right by you. I picked the best daddy for you that a girl could ever have. They say that girls fall in love with men who are like their fathers and this is not always a positive thing. But for you, it would be the best of things. I joke all the time about how your daddy loves you so much that no man will ever be good enough for you. But really it’s not a joke because your daddy truly is the perfect model to teach you how a man should treat a woman. If there’s one great hope I have for you, it is that you find and love someone just like your dad. A man who always tells you how beautiful you are and how lucky he is to have you. A man who rolls over in the morning, says he missed you while you slept, and gets up and goes to work to provide for his family. A man who will cut you off mid-rant to tell you that you’re cute when you’re mad. Someone who supports you no matter how crazy (or expensive!) an idea or dream you have is, and who always asks about your day even when he already knows how it went. This is who your daddy is – a kind, respectful, generous man with a heart as big as the ocean – and all I can say about giving you a daddy this wonderful is YOU’RE WELCOME. I saved you thousands of dollars in therapy bills for the daddy issues you won’t ever have.

 

There have been plenty of good times this month too of course. You are giggling and babbling up a storm and I love to hear your little voice and imagine what your first words will sound like (they better sound like MA-MA!). You are absolutely fascinated by Tater and you watch him all the time, every move he makes. He sings to you when you get upset in the car and he is the only one who can get you to accept a binky. You’re in love with Tim McGraw’s song “Humble and Kind” and sometimes it’s the only thing (besides a bottle) that will make you stop screaming. It’s amazing how you quiet down as soon as Tim belts the first word. Daddy played that song for you over and over while you were in the womb and I do think it stuck with you. No offense to Tim, but we are quite tired of this song and wish you’d pick another favorite already! You still love bath time and walks and being outside; you are starting to lose interest in your activity gym and you don’t care too much for your exersaucer yet but I think that might be because your feet don’t touch and you still need some support to sit upright. You love toys that light up and make noise, and you are sleeping through the night most nights but during the day you take quick cat naps instead of sleeping for long stretches at a time.

As hard as this parenting thing can be, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. One night last week you woke up at 3:30 and after an hour of crying and me going in to soothe you every 10-15 minutes, it became clear that you weren’t going to cry it out so I begrudgingly made you a bottle and rocked you while you ate. I was frustrated knowing that as soon as you were done eating, it would be time for me to shower and get ready for work and waking up at 3:30 a.m. would make for an awfully long day. But then I put you on my shoulder to burp and you wrapped your chubby arms around my neck, burped and sighed the most adorable, contented sigh before immediately falling fast asleep. All my frustration melted away and suddenly it didn’t matter how tired I was. I sat there rocking you, kissing your beautiful head and smelling that intoxicating baby smell for at least another 15 minutes. It was one of those moments when parenthood makes absolute, perfect sense.

Being your mom is the hardest job I’ve ever loved.

 

Love,

Mommy